you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Enjoy the penises
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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