dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
