Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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