You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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