After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
