You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
there was a trapeze. enough said
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize