the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
