Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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