I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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