seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
