Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
