Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
