Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
