Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
