So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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