Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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