you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
