are you still at the devil's house?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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