I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
