Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
