operation harelip BJ is a go
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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