This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
worst night to have a conscience
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He passed out mid-signature
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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