Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
