Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
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Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
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