I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
