Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Randomize
