hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
