Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
