He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
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i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
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Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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