I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
