it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
