Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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