I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
