he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
