i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I understand Curling. That high.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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