Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im six kinds of drunk right now
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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