i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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