Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
