I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
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I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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