we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
