sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
