She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
