help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
