Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Welp...herpes.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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