Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
