I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
