He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
