I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
