I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
