so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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