remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
