Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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