i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
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Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
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Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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