Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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