just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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