her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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