She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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