walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
