I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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