just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
