Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I need help removing her.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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