I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
