Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
