butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
