You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
