you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
