Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
