What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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