Just fell off a train. Bad.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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