I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
