No awkward lesbian experiences without me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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